Saturday, May 3, 2014

// 18/52 // + s i m p l i c i t y

"Ma ma, ma ma ma ma ma ma."  

I hear these sounds all day.  I hear them loud and deep, projecting their voices so that they are heard in the bathroom.  

"Ma-ma will be right back, loves."

I hear them in the deep black of the night.  For a moment I freeze and wonder if they will become the frantic words of a woken-up toddler.  But then I hear them as sweet lullabies, song to the mother by the son.  

I hear them as a victory song, said with confidence as they catch my eye.

I hear them as my nursling demands the breast and I am oh so tired.

"Ma ma"

It's not mother, or mommy.  It's not Mom, or even Mama.

It's "ma-ma"  The two sounds put together to form a word.  It's simple and pure.  The beginning of a thousand words.  It's the stars that guide the sailor.  The one who has set out for new worlds in love.

Asher has started saying "mommy."  It's depth exhilarates me.  I am a overly ecstatic fright of a woman.  I'm urging and asking- "Asher, who am I?  Can you say "mom-ME?"

He says it and then falls back to "ma-ma."

For now it's simple.  

I am craving simplicity.  We are moving, so we are getting rid of "stuff."  But we don't have much to begin with- only the most important things we've owned.  We've moved across country a few times and these moves have made us downsize everything.  We've talked about our "lack of stuff" as if it's a season.  A step until true success hits.  

But I crave simplicity.  Maybe we will have more "success" one day, but maybe we will never have the clutter to "prove it."  We have too many definitions cast upon us; unattainable goals that keep us at wanting and never arriving.  This is why I love nature.  There is always winter, but spring always comes.  No matter how awful the winter, there is a promise of spring.  It's not unattainable- a definition so unclear that we cannot know if we have ever fully arrived.  (can you tell I was raised religious?)  

Every month we have less and less "toys."  We keep making bags- giving away all these "things."  I want to simplify everything.  Worry less and wonder more.  Let awe and beauty be our possessions.  I want my children to be inspired and then, with all my heart, I hope they are confident and secure in their place upon this earth.  Simplicity make us less afraid; afraid of what others think and what may come.

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