Sunday, February 23, 2014

// j o u r n a l : w h y i b l o g //

I've been recording my life for as long as I can remember.  I know that I kept a diary in first grade and my entries looked like:
I leik cats. cats ar my favirite.  

But those were my thoughts.  They were important, at the time.  I can still look at them and hear my voice and remember.  Remember that I once loved cats and that I was way too boy crazy for being so young.  And although I did not share those words with other people, in a  way I did write them to share.  I would share them with my future self and there was purpose.  

And lately, I've been rethinking why I blog.  Why, now, years and years after starting my first journal am I recording my thoughts as a wife and a mother and then sharing it with the world?  (well, the few who read my blog.)  I have more than one answer to this question.  Practically, I've always wanted to write and what better way to keep me accountable to my craft?  If I blog, then I must write.  It keeps me to a schedule and gives me purpose beyond the walls of my home.  

Sometimes, I feel as if I am a wave.  Returning over and over to the same ground. touching the same grains of sand.  I can feel stuck, and wonder why I keep at it.  Often, when people learn that I blog they will ask:  "Are you making money?"  And I remember my adsense nonsense and it's $20 balance and I'll laugh to myself.  I'm tempted to answer honestly and say "no, not really."  Sometimes I defend my decision and talk of the possibilities but in reality, that is missing the point.  

I blog because I felt so alone as a new mother.  Because when my children's words did not form, I felt like I was the only mom in the world that wasn't hearing the words "ma ma."  And because so many people told me "oh, it happens." And then, would precede to talk of their own children's words.  I blog because once, I was a young high school girl and all I could think about was that I wanted others to feel valued and loved.  I blog because of meeting people like faith and josh, forging ahead with a dream and giving the idea of community everything they've got. I blog because when Elliot was in the hospital I got over 100 messages from people I did not know wishing him well and hardly any phone calls from those I did know.   I blog because I have a voice and I may as well use it.  

I've always been an introvert and it's always been easy for me to say what others want to hear or to be what others wanted to see.  I started to stop that when I began posting breastfeeding photos:  I even had close loved ones stop following me because of it.  But how can I deny the confidence I felt?  What new mother doesn't need to feel confident? 

This blog entry is more of a journal entry.  It was written with tears and gratitude.  I am still figuring this all out and I'm still dreaming of where it will go.  Thank you for following along!  It means the world to me.  

And now, here are some photos that don't really go along with anything I wrote. ;)

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  1. You inspire me endlessly, Danielle. I don't think I tell you that enough.

  2. This was beautiful and I can so relate! Writing my old bog was life changing for me. As a struggling new mom it gave me a reason to go outside, to photograph my world, to create happy memories. I felt so connected to the other moms that I met through blogging (and the Sling Diaries!).

  3. I love reading what you write and following and relating to your journey through IG. I love when my son speaks a new word because I know he has worked so hard for that word!!! He's two and Elliot reminds me a lot of him. Thank you for writing!



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