Thursday, December 19, 2013

// A D V E N T U R E S I N B R E A S T F E E D I N G - S I V ' S S T O R Y //

 Yes, another Adventures in Breastfeeding post.  I'm sorry not sorry for posting two in a row and as far as I can tell, these are some of my most popular posts.  <3 I think it says so much about us (good stuff) that we want to reach out and share our personal stories to people we may not know.  We want to because it can be healing for us and others, we want to inspire others, and we know these reasons are important and necessary.  Thank you, Siv for sharing this story!  You are such a beautiful mama for recognizing the importance of love and cuddles.  Such a lovely pair these two!  And you can tell Elizabeth knows she is a loved little one!  <3  Siv blogs and makes awesome baby things at Izbits World and her instagram is @izbitsworld .  

My story began I guess when I was younger, I always wanted kids. ALWAYS. I remember in primary school playing family and being the mum, I would collect the rest of the class to be my babies. Then I was older and chose baby sitting as my school job. Now finally a mum, While pregnant My own mother told me how she was able to feed me till I was 2 and my brother till he was almost 3. I wanted to breast feed, It was free it was always available and Technically what boobs are for. My partner wanted me to extended breast feed for up to 2 years. he read about the ways it helped brain development and helped to create smarter babies. That was what he wanted.
My birth was pretty straight forward, the whole thing was 9 hours and while not perfect, my birth plan was to survive. Having friends who went in with crazy beautiful birth plans then ended with emergency c sections made me decide that if we both survived, that would be fantastic. If there was a natural minimal drugs birth, even better! I went into breast feeding pretty much the same. If I put pressure on myself and failed, I knew I would get depressed. 

Her latch was amazing, The midwife on the first night told me I should try feed her for 15 minutes from each boob then go back to the first to get anything left over in it. We did an amazing job. I had lanolin all over me to help with cracking and used it like crazy. We went home two days later and everyone was super happy with how we were going. At the two day home visit she was already bigger than her birth weight. She was gaining about 250g per day. I fed on demand and if I had to sit about in a shopping center then what of it! I wasn't going to hide in the toilet to feed her. If anyone asked me I was ready with my angry "Would you eat your lunch in the toilet!? My daughter shouldn't be expected to eat hers in there either."

We moved to the tropics when she was 3 weeks old and she was still feeding like crazy and still gaining weight like a champ, It continued till she was 3.5 months old. She started putting my food in her mouth and eating, So we started solids early. I think that was my down fall. She was too hungry and had found something better. By 6 months she was rejecting me. I would put her against me to feed and she would scream and claw and pull away. I would sit there crying, As a mum this was one of the hardest rejections I had ever faced. I persisted with this for a week. Every feed she would scream, If I tried to dream feed she would wake up and fight me away. Each time I would cry and cry. My loving partner would give me a hug and tell me it's ok. She was still putting on weight she was healthy and developing better than normal. The rejection and failure I felt was still pretty strong. 

We went and got a tub of formula and gave it a shot. I hugged her and fed her like I would if I was breast feeding. I stared into her beautiful little face and watched her drink the formula down. I decided then that it didn't matter if she didn't want to be breast fed. I had tried, I had done an amazing job with her while she was little. We had bonded and I loved her more than ever.

Elizabeth is now 15 months old and when we have a bottle (though now I use watered down cows milk) I still curl up with her. She still naps on my bed with me next to her and she is just as happy as a breast fed baby. While I wish I had been able to breast feed her for longer, we still get bonding time and THAT I feel is the most important thing.

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