Sunday, November 10, 2013

//TIME//




You don't realize how much free time you had until you have kids.  This is a fact.  There is no denying it.  You can literally see the light bulb turn on, the look of realization spread over your face until you realize:  Time is different now.  It's not measured in "what show should I watch tonight?" or "I absolutely need 1 hour and 45 minutes to get ready"  Rather, your thoughts turn into "why isn't there eight days in a week?"  And you dream about that "eighth" day.

Lately, I've been kicking myself for not getting more done before I had kids.  I "did' a lot, but they were random and not exactly focused endeavors.  I have dreamed of being a writer since I wrote my first poem about a cat in fourth grade.  Yet, here I am, many years later and I still have not published a single poem.  Sure, publication isn't everything.  But it's something, right?

I think I'm feeling the sudden loss of empowerment not because I think being a stay at home mom isn't important.  It is empowering.  There are so many moments that I feel inadequate, yet when I see my motherhood as a whole I feel like a super mom.  I'm this super women who gets shit done.  But, what about my life outside the home?  I was raised to believe that women could help earn income and yes, that's important.  But it's more than that.  It's personal fulfillment.  It says that husband and wife can work together to raise the kids and fulfill personal needs.  It says that there are no set roles when it comes to work. We all work. The roles are more fluid than that.  Marriage and work and parenting are like a river.  We move and we bend and do it all together.

So, with that being said.  I'm not going to kick myself anymore.  I've realized that it's too distracting and like I said, I just don't have a lot of time to waste!  I'm going to realize that parenthood may have changed how time passes, but it also gave me a lot more to hope for.  Being a mother has flooded me with new images and now, I write from a different place.  I have a husband with skills that I do not have and we can work together.  We can move as a river does.  Sometimes the rocks disturb us, but we are always moving.  And time does not dictate the river, rather it is eternally existing; flowing through the earth, into the ocean and back again from the sky.





1 comment:

  1. yes! yes! so much of what you said spoke to me (a mother of three). The time, the contribution of 'work' in whatever form it may be.. the constant fluctuation of the self-definition of motherhood, womanhood, selfhood. Keep writing!

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