Friday, November 1, 2013

//For the Smiles//

Yesterday was an incredible day, although it did not start out that way.  It started out with me, still cozy in bed and nursing Asher, thinking way too much.  I started thinking about how again, I put off Halloween.  Yet again, I thought of an idea and said to myself, "oh, it will just come together."  But clothes don't simply put themselves together and obviously this shows how I am not a very "crafty" mother.  I think I could be, but two toddlers can seriously alter that endeavor, right?  (Mothers of toddlers how do you do it?  How do you get anything done?!)

So, after Asher slipped off the boob and was (thank god) still asleep, I got up and started my last minute research at 6 in the morning.  I'm sitting at the computer in the dark with my boob probably hanging out still and i'm googling and pinterest-ing and I'm getting madder and madder every moment.  Not at anyone in particular, but myself.  (although i may or may not have had a talk with my husband about how he could have been helping me with ideas.  sorry, babe!) I wanted to be virginia woolf, but im literally the only one because when i searched for ideas there was not a single result!  Well, there was one- but i am not dressing up like the suicidal Virginia Woolf with rocks in my pocket.  That's just morbid.

So, my husband gets out of bed and I tell him about my woman poet idea and he may or may not have called it a "lame" idea.  Any other day and I would have understood what he was saying, but this definitely unnecessarily infuriated me.  "lame?  a woman poet is lame?  are you sexist or something?  would you rather me be a sexy cop?!"  haha, my husband is a champ.

So, I go back to my first idea- Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn.  i have overalls and flannel shirts.  there- it's done.  And gosh, that was exhausting and it's only 8 am."  

The real story is that we have been dealing with a lot of financial stress in our short marriage and we just never  have any extra money to spend- even on cheap costumes or even supplies to make one!  That's where we are at the moment, but I know it won't always be that way.  So, whenever halloween comes around the stress button instantly gets pushed and pushed until it's skyrocketing.  It's so silly, because my kids are so young.  But, then I see all these creative costumes and I love being creative.  I want to see the smiles on my kids faces- i want to make the memories that they can look back upon.

So,  of course, I then direct my attention to my costume.  What am I going to be?  WHAT AM I GOING TO BE?!?

I settle on a beatnik poet because they wore basically all black and I can do that.  But I have no beret.  whatever, I'm tired.

I pick up my husband from work around 4 and he suggests going to target and getting a few last minute things.  (He's the best.  I don't deserve this perfect man.)

And we scratch the tom sawyer and huck finn costumes because elliot sees a cowboy costume and gets this huge smile on his face.  You know- the smile i've been wanting all along.  The reason I was researching costumes at 6 am.  But that desire to see a smile on my Elliot's face was forgotten among the stress and pressure I put upon myself.  Why do I do that?  Why do I lose sight of the smile?  I need to keep the picture of my sweet Elliot's smile in my mind and in my heart at all times.  It will kick the s$%*# out of that mom guilt and that unnecessary stress.

The rest of the night was pure toddler magic.  We decided to forgo the door to door and instead a local church put on a trick or treat inside their church.  We usually tend to stay away from "churchy" events, but this one was so perfect for our kids.  You wait in line and walk through this elaborately created space-themed set.  all throughout it there were people handing out candy and levers you can pull and candy will pop out.  It was perfect for our Elliot.  And again, it reminded me of why I do the things I do- it's for those perfect little smiles.


  1. so real, so good. i loved your morning recap :) jimmy is a champ but so are you! i always tell you i don't know how you do it, and it rings true again here! either way, ash and elliot were ridiculously adorable as always and i'm so happy it all ended up coming together for you at the end.

  2. also, omg, your blog redesign!!! too good! i *really* love the font of your header! you rock!



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