Monday, September 16, 2013

//Hopeless Romantic//

There is an article making it's rounds on social media entitled "I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married."  I'm sure you've seen it.  Or seen a similar article.  I completely understand this articles sentiment and others like it.  My problem is that I will never be able to fully live by this code of "love." I just can't and it doesn't matter how the author is right.  No, that does not matter.  I know life is not all "happily ever afters" and that love exists in the day to day.  I see that with my children even.  I see that part of how I love them is by changing their gross diapers and wiping their snotty noses.  I see that I love them by going further than I think I can- which means not having a toddler sized meltdown when I'm completely spent and exhausted.

The article looks at marriage, though.  My fews years of marriage (I am no expert!) have been difficult.  Jimmy and I have had it pretty rough at times.  Partly due to the fact that we didn't really know how to live life.  But partly because of circumstances outside our control.  It's just been ridiculously hard for us.  In order to survive, we have to do things for each other.  As the article says, "No, love isn't an emotion or even a noun.  It's a verb.  Better defined as giving.  As putting someone else's needs above your own."  I know this is true.  I know that when I make my husband's favorite meal as a surprise or when I get something done that he thought he had to do- when I do these things, even know I was exhausted, I know it's a deeper love than the butterflies.  I know that it is purposeful and that it will last.  But as I said before, I can't completely live by this code.  

I'm too much of a romantic for that. Jimmy is too, thank God.  Jimmy did tell me he loved me very early on.  And yes, it did make me nervous.  But you know what?  I love that he did.  I love that there was something about me that made him go right for the gold.  He could have scared me away, but thank goodness I'm just as crazy as him.  <3

I mean, my favorite poet is Pablo Neruda, so there is no way I can rule out the role of the feeling kind of love.  The passionate, butterflies, dreamer kind of love.  I'm the sick weirdo that thinks Romeo and Juliet is romantic.  (jk, I know it's about more than that and yes I know, they killed themselves) 

That's me. I'm a total dreamer.  The moments Jimmy and I have felt the most connected have been when we are around incredible art, beauty or in general, things that are completely out of our reach.  We stay strong through the more difficult times because of that time we excitedly talked about Jimmy's music or when Jimmy connected with me over my love of poetry.  These moments do not serve to make us crash when things get tough.  They actually keep us going until the next time we get a chance to enjoy our dreams.  I know that a huge part of a relationship means sacrifice.  I know, I know.  But I don't think it's one or the other.  I think it can be the "lovey, mushy, butterfly" love AND the sacrificial love.  If we had no beauty, but only the rough, "give when you don't feel it" kind of love, then what fun would that be?  What art would be created?  What love would be made?

I guess I just see this sentiment too often in religious circles.  The "feelings are bad."  The "your heart is deceitful" warnings.  However, I think feelings can be and are often good.  Even if they are messy.  Even if they can be confusing.  They are what make us alive.   


  1. I like this post. My husband also told me that he loved me very early in our relationship. I also loved it and saw that as meaningful. Scary...yes a bit, but it also says a lot for his feelings and emotions.

    We have been together for a while now and we had 5 yrs of marriage before we had children. I know that having kids made life that much more busy and our responsibilities increased. That's more when I feel like doing things for the sake of the relationship as opposed to because we felt driven to, happened.

    It's still fun though and there are still elements of crazy love that come into play. Today is actually our 11 year wedding anniversary!

  2. anyone who says there can't and shouldn't be BOTH is coo coo. i think the sentiment is only to say that WHEN trials come and there isn't a lot of that mushy love happening, the DO IT BC IT'S RIGHT and the SHOW THEM LOVE gets you through. once you've been there and done that...and pushed through....the more beautiful and more mushy it can get. there's all that amazing, beautiful stuff to look back upon and make the mushy part even better as time marches on. OH and i think the heart can lead you astray if that's ALL you ever use to guide your every waking decision. but God gave us emotions. surely He wants us to use them and enjoy them! :)

  3. Truly enjoyed this post. Love without beauty and poetic romance would be lacking, just as life would be.



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