Wednesday, June 19, 2013


So, usually I post poetic musings.  Usually, I post pictures of my kids to go along with it or photos of the beautiful landscape of my surroundings.  However, this post is going to be a bit more serious. 
Serious, but also incredibly hopeful.

I have not shared a lot about this and I was considering not sharing at all.  It's really difficult to capture in words all the feelings that went into this and how it affected me.  I'm going to have to assume that if you are parents, you will just understand- that the incredible bond of parenthood transcends and unites.  My words can be few and still, if you are able to put yourself in my shoes, you will get it.  

So much has gone on with Elliot.  Since he was born, when he first caught that terrible infection on his second day of life, he has blown all my expectations of parenthood out of the world.  If I was honest with myself, I would realize I expected it to be easy.  Hard at times, sure.  But full of health and giggles and cuddles.  You know, perfection and shit.  Everything I've ever dreamt of and rainbows and kittens.  But then, they were telling me he was really sick and it could be meningitis and could they do a spinal tap?  I'd have to sign these papers and that was when it hit me.  This is for real.  I couldn't be the weak one.  I had to be strong.  For Elliot.  He needed me.  After this, they sent us home with a perfectly healthy baby, as they said.  Then the breathing issues started and no one could tell me anything.  That too, subsided, but his first cold landed him in the hospital with severe bronchitis and rapid breathing, yet again.  It's always an adventure.  Months later, right before his first birthday, he started acting funny.  I rushed him to the doctors and after taking his temperature and getting a normal reading, he began getting seizures.  Every freaking doctor in that office was in the room and I could see their fear.  They called the ambulance, only to realize he did have a fever.  It was simple- he had a mild seizure from a fever because of a mild case of pneumonia.  Simple, sure.

Now, to finally get to the main point.  Elliot has a pretty severe language delay.  I was first worried when, at around 15 months, he was not saying "mama" or "dada,"  He would babble but absolutely no words.  Then, at age, 18 months I called early start.  They provide free language help for those who qualify, so I thought I'd try.  Then, he began to say "this" and "that" and "ball."  They told me it might be best to wait to have him evaluated.  We decided to give him until two and then, if he was still delayed we would call again.  Two came around and he was still so far behind.  I've been sick to my stomach at the thought of autism or anything similar.  Some days I was sure it wasn't and others, I'd get this pit in my stomach at the possibility.  

People would tell me that whatever happened, I could handle it.  I know that to be true, however, it fueled my doubt.  How could things get more difficult?  Then, the evaluation date came and then, it went.  It helped ease so many fears, as I saw Elliot do so well with so many things.  Sure, his speech was far behind but in all the other areas he did great.  He won everyone over, as he always does.  He is the such a charmer, always has been.  Yesterday, they came back with their results and it was all I could thing about.  I wanted to feel confident that it would be simple, yet the "what if" kept crossing my mind.  I could only describe it as "you only know when you know."  I could not predict what they would say.  When they came they went over the results and I was told he qualified for speech therapy.  (obviously)  They told me it was a speech delay and there are no signs of autism.  Sure, they would keep an eye on him but they did not see any signs of it.  I could cry just writing that.  There have been others who, in their honesty, have worried about it and to hear the actual doctors say "no, that's definitely not it." was the most beautiful words I've heard lately.  This was an incredibly long post, but I feel like this was therapeutic for me.  

So, if someone you know is worried about a delay with their child don't tell them they can handle it.  Tell them you hope they don't have to handle it.  They know they can do anything for their child, but they don't want to have to.  

I will post updates as we begin speech therapy.  I am so excited to hear the words he will say!  He just started to consistently say "mama" and "dada."  Every time he sees Jimmy he runs to him and with arms wide open yells "dada!"  It is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. 


  1. oh hun, so sorry his first months of life and since then have been so rough. Thankful it's not autism, I'm also thankful it's something he can get help with. My mom didn't realize my brother had hearing and vision problems until he was 3 which delayed him. Once they got him tubes, glasses, and speech therapy he caught up pretty quickly. It's amazing how much our mind is capable of given the right tools =)

    1. Thank you, lady! That is super encouraging. We are getting him tested for hearing problems soon. With all his asthma, it's definitely possible.

  2. You are amazing. And an inspiration. Your family is lucky to have you. xoxo.

  3. " You know, perfection and shit." One of my favorite lines ever. So glad that you got the relief and reassurance of the evaluations.



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